Regrets
by WoollyOne
Summary: When Chaol asks Celaena what she regrets most, it brings back a story that haunts both Chaol and Celaena. But what will happen to the assassin when the past comes back to life?
1. Prologue

"Have you ever done something you truly regret?" Chaol asked, his bronze eyes flickering in the candlelight of her bedroom.

"What kind of something?" Celaena asked, narrowing her eyes slightly. He knew she didn't like those kind of questions, but she'd answer them anyway.

"Like hurting someone, or letting them go." He leaned a little closer to her, tucking a strand of her silver-blonde hair back behind her ear.

"Sam. Everything I held back from him, and left until it was too late. I regret that more than anything." Her voice grew soft at the end, almost cracking on the last two words.

"Aside from Sam," Chaol said. "I know you loved him, and you left some things until it was too late, but you have to have done something else you regret."

Celaena was silent for a moment, and her ringed eyes almost seemed to empty of any emotion in that silence.

"Yes," she said, her voice as hollow as her eyes. "There's a girl I once knew. I hurt her in ways you can hardly imagine. I first met her when she came to Arobynn for training, and the next time I saw her was when he sent me after her. Not to kill her," she said hurriedly at Chaol's slightly shocked expression, "but to capture her and bring her back to the Keep. She owed Arobynn a great deal of money, and he knew she had it, but she'd hidden it somewhere. He wanted me to force the location out of her. And then I saw her again, and-" Her eyes grew more horrified with every word until Chaol laid a calloused but gentle hand on her cheek that snapped her back into reality as she choked on her words.

"Tell me everything."


	2. Chapter 1 - Past

As she ran, faster than she ever thought she could run, she stole a glance behind her. The moonlight just peering through the clouds made the street murky, and the mist off the Avery curled around everything it touched in sinister tendrils. It would be easy enough to hide, but she couldn't hide for long. The assassin would find her, and the mist would make it even easier for her to prowl around unnoticed.

The two blades the assassin drew from the sheaths across her back slid out with a high-pitched, menacing whine that caught the girl's attention. She stood from her crouch behind a pair of barrels and spun in a circle, the fear practically radiating off her. The girl foolishly had no weapons, and her fingers dug into her shoulders as if she was trying to hold herself together. She let out a single scream, the sound piercing the still night air as easily as one of the assassin's blades could pierce her skin.

"Please, don't hurt me," she begged to the night, to the Wyrd, to whatever she thought could save her.

"Oh, it's much too late for that, my dear," the assassin crooned from the shadows, the smooth, threatening voice seeming to come from everywhere.

As the girl watched, face contorted in horror, the mist seemed to thicken, until a cloaked, hooded figure emerged from the fog, two swords drawn and dangling by their sides.

As soon as the girl made to move, the two blades were crossed in front of her, pressing into her throat, forcing her back against the wall. She knew it, knew that Arobynn would send someone after her, but she didn't know who.

"You owe Arobynn Hamel a great deal of money," the masked figure said, their voice gravelly and distorted through the mask they wore. A single strand of long, silver-blonde hair slipped out from the hood, and the girl's mouth opened not only in shock, but in terror.

Of course Arobynn was going to send one of his own assassins after her, but there was only one assassin in the Guild with hair like that, and it was the lone assassin the girl was hoping never to run into again.

"Celaena, please, don't kill me," the girl begged. She was rewarded with the sting of the blades pressing closer to her throat, a bead of blood forming on her skin.

"Keep your voice down," Celaena hissed, pressing the blades closer still. "I don't need everyone in Rifthold knowing my identity."

"I-I wasn't trying to do that," the girl gasped, trying to reach for one of the assassin's hands to release the pressure on her windpipe.

"Don't bother trying," Celaena growled, taking one blade off the girl's throat, only to slam the pommel of the sword into the side of her head. The girl dropped like a stone, and Celaena grabbed her to muffle the sound as she fell. She tied the girl's hands behind her back and dragged her through the empty back streets to the Assassin's Keep.

Celaena dragged the girl straight to the dungeons of the Keep, knowing she wouldn't wake for another half hour or so. She left her in the dungeon and locked the door on her way out, heading up the stairs to confer with Arobynn.

"You got her?" Arobynn drawled expectantly, leaning back in his chair.

"Of course, Arobynn," Celaena replied. "Do you really think I couldn't catch a fourteen year old girl?"

"Well she can be quite slippery when she wants to be. What have you done with her?"

"Knocked her out and left her in the dungeons," Celaena confirmed, pulling off her mask. "What do you want me to do with her?"

"Find out where my money is. Use any means necessary, just force it out of her if she won't tell you." Arobynn's grey eyes flashed menacingly. "Bring her to me as soon as she confesses. I want to hear it for myself." Arobynn poured himself a brandy and took a swig.

"Of course, Arobynn." Celaena bowed her head slightly out of respect. She hadn't forgotten everything he had done for her. "It shouldn't take long."

She took her leave then, and returned to the dungeons. The girl was still unconscious, and Celaena almost laughed at the sight before her. This was a girl she had trained with, and had trained herself. Barely two years younger than her, the girl had come to Arobynn seeking training. Her older sister was a highly sought after courtier, and she was to follow in her footsteps. Her mother had been a courtier until she was murdered by a jealous client, and her father had been arrested after he sought revenge, so training was a good idea.

The girl had never been up to Celaena's standards. She wasn't as fast, not as strong, not as brave, but she was observant. There was one day when she and Celaena were sparring and the girl found her weak spot and managed to get a blade in, leaving a long scar across her ribcage. Celaena always remembered that scar. It gave her a well-needed reminder that even she was not invincible. She still didn't like the girl, but she at least had some respect for her. But no matter how much she may or may not have liked her, she still had a job to do.

Once her training was complete, she ran from the Guild without paying Arobynn, despite the fact that she had the money. Celaena had been sent by Arobynn to find her and bring her back to the Guild and force the location of the money out of her. It hadn't taken long to find her, mostly due to her sister's notoriety. Despite the fact that her target had tried her best to cover her tracks, there were still holes that ultimately led to her capture.

Celaena shackled the girl to the stone table in the centre of the room and leaned against the wall until she woke up. When she did, she didn't scream, or struggle, which surprised Celaena. She knew for a fact that the girl hated pain, and couldn't stand her own vulnerability, so why wasn't she reacting? The girl's eyes roamed the room, searching for the assassin she knew was there. The black cloak and clothing made her look like a shadow in the dank room, but a strand of silvery hair gave her away.

"I know what you're thinking," the girl said, her voice hoarse as she locked eyes with the assassin. "I haven't changed. You still know how to beat me. But I've accepted that. I messed up, and now you're going to try and break me."

"Not try, kid, I will break you," Celaena said, pulling a dagger from inside her cloak. "If you tell me where Arobynn's money is now, then I won't have to hurt you."

The girl laughed. "You're no Rourke Farran, Celaena. I know what he's done, and I know that you're nowhere near as vicious as him." A small, triumphant smirk adorned her lips as she thought she'd won, but faded as Celaena's eyes grew dark, and she tossed her cloak into the corner of the room and leant down, her face centimetres from the girl's.

"If that's what you think, then you've got no idea how vicious I'm willing to be to get what I want." Her words were calculated, her voice cold. "You have the money, but you've hidden it. I want to know where." The girl sighed, but her breath was shaky, a sign of fear Celaena easily noticed. "Ah, so you're not as fearless as you'd have me believe."

"Not fearless, _my dear_," the girl said, mocking her endearment from her capture, something that wasn't entirely wise, considering who stood above her with a knife. "Just stubborn." She tried to sit up, but the chains only let her go up a few inches.

"And a little stupid." Celaena placed one gloved hand on the girl's chest and pushed down, hard, slamming her back against the stone. "I'll give you one last chance to tell me where your money is, or you'll be in more pain than you've ever been."

The girl laughed again, the sound driving Celaena closer towards that invisible line that, if she crossed, would lead to Celaena becoming more animal than assassin. "I know you, Celaena Sardothien, and I know you don't want to hurt me."

Celaena smirked. "I might not want to, but I will. You'll be begging for death under my hand." She pulled off her gloves and tossed them on top of her cloak.

"Celaena, please," the girl begged, fear finally showing. "I can't tell you where the money is."

"Hm. It would appear you need a little… coercion." She spun the dagger between her fingers before lowering it to the girl's throat, feeling the blade move as she swallowed.

Wordlessly, with so much focus that the girl bound to the table fell still, she traced the blade up her neck and along her jaw, until it came to rest, with a little pressure, above the vein under her jaw.

"I can flick my wrist and you'll be dead in seconds," Celaena said, her voice low. "The pressure on that vein is so strong that if I-" she moved the knife abruptly, but didn't break the skin "-slipped, you'd be dead before anybody even got down here. But that's not what I'm going to do. You _will_ talk. I don't care how long it takes, but you will."

She moved the knife again, keeping it close to the girl's skin, dragging it down the tender skin of her throat and let it rest in the hollow of her collarbone.

"Anything you want to tell me?" Celaena asked sweetly, almost innocently, one eyebrow raised in questioning.

The girl shook her head carefully, making sure she didn't accidentally cut herself, but Celaena had plans in mind. She brought the blade to the girl's shoulder and carefully pressed down with the tip, opening a cut through her pale green tunic. A rather unfortunate colour to be wearing today, Celaena mused, and the blood that slowly seeped into the fabric turned it a dark crimson, almost brown.

Celaena dragged the blade through the girl's skin and tunic, along her collarbone, to the base of her throat. She watched the girl's face, saw through her mask of calm, and knew she was fighting not to make a sound. She pressed down harder as she continued along the other side, finishing at the shoulder. The girl never moved or tried to break free of her shackles, but she was trembling. Her stillness only made the job easier for the assassin, who watched the blood slowly stain her collar.

"You always were weak," Celaena hissed. "I can see right through you."

"I can't tell you where the money is," the girl said, her voice a little strained. "Please, just listen to me. I'll be in danger if I tell you where it is."

"You're in danger right now," Celaena growled, pulling a dagger from her waist and burying it deep in the girl's thigh.

The girl screamed, a raw, animalistic sound that came right from her core and reverberated in Celaena's ears.

"I can't tell you anything!" the girl screamed, tears streaming down her face. She was finally struggling against the restraints, writhing against the stone. The fire burning in her thigh was too intense, and she saw spots of red as she screamed. "Please, I can't tell you anything!"

Celaena almost ripped the second dagger from her waist and slammed it into the girl's other thigh, and felt it scrape against the stone beneath. The girl was thrashing in pure agony now, and her tortured screams were ripping out of her throat. The cuffs were biting into her wrists and ankles, and if she didn't stop, she'd end up with broken bones.

"They're going to kill me," the girl sobbed uncontrollably. "Please, stop. I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Just don't hurt me anymore, please."

Celaena smirked and withdrew her daggers, slipping them back into her belt and unlocking the shackles. "Get up. You're going straight to Arobynn," she said icily. Before the girl could even open her mouth in protest Celaena was speaking again. "I don't care if you're in pain and you think you can't walk, you will go to Arobynn, and you will tell him where his money is." She grabbed the girl's collar and yanked her off the table, ignoring her howls of pain.

Celaena had to half drag the girl up the stairs and through the Keep, ignoring the glances of the other assassins, but she got the girl all the way to Arobynn's office. She threw the door open and dragged the girl in behind her and stood her in front of Arobynn, holding her by her hair.

"You were right," Arobynn mused. "That didn't take long at all."

Celaena smiled sweetly. "Well, when you've been taught by the best, nothing takes too long."

"Alyssa Harrington, whoever thought we'd end up here? Where's my money?" When the girl remained silent, he motioned to Celaena, who drew another dagger, this one still clean, and held it against the girl's throat. "The sooner you talk, the sooner we can treat your wounds. And my assassin won't have to use that dagger on you. So talk, Alyssa, or face the consequences for your actions." His grey eyes were narrowed, scrutinising her as she stood, her clothes stained with her own blood. He poured himself a brandy and strode around the desk to stand directly in front of her.

"Arobynn?" Celaena ventured.

"No, just hold her still," he replied, bending down slightly to look the trembling girl in the eye. "I want what is mine, girl. Where is my money?" When she didn't answer he slowly tipped his brandy, and the stream landed on one of the gaping holes Celaena had left in the girls legs. She screamed through the blinding pain, hands scrabbling at Celaena's arms, anything to let her fall without slicing open her throat.

"The warehouse," she gasped, hanging her head and nearly losing her balance, despite the dagger pressing into her throat. Celaena moved with her, but didn't let her fall through the overwhelming pain. "The old warehouse next to the Avery, near the bridge."

"The one that collapsed last month?" Arobynn asked, placing the brandy back on the desk.

"Yes. Where it's still standing, there's a door. Just inside, to the left, there's a loose floorboard. Pull it up and there's a box underneath. All your money's there, and then some. Keep it all; it won't do me any good to have it." Her leg was still shooting pain through her whole body, and she grimaced. Brandy was like salt water. Pour it over a wound and it'd hurt like hell, but at least you wouldn't get an infection.

"Sam, get there as fast as you can and bring it straight back. Celaena, take her back to the dungeons and stay with her until he returns. I have business to attend to." Arobynn left the room, the door still open, and Celaena turned to the young man on the other side of the room who was running a hand through his short brown hair.

"Sam, hurry," she said impatiently. "I don't particularly feel like babysitting for an extended period of time."

The young man turned to Celaena, only casting his brown eyes over Alyssa for a second.

"I'll take as long as I please, Celaena," he replied somewhat smugly, straightening his cloak and striding out the open door.

Alyssa had never seen him while she was training, or if she had, she didn't recognise him now. He was handsome, she decided, but seemed aloof. She wasn't exactly sure what it was, but his tone of voice, and the way he held himself made her think of him as arrogant.

Celaena wordlessly dragged the girl back down to the dungeons, avoiding the eyes of those that stared at the whimpering, bloodied girl behind her. She threw Alyssa inside and paced around the room as the girl moaned. After almost half an hour later, they still hadn't been summoned, and Celaena was growing ever impatient. Alyssa groaned, her legs still screaming at her, and her chest was stinging from the long, surprisingly deep cut Celaena had made. She groaned again, and Celaena whipped around, pointing a dagger at her again.

"Make another noise, and this dagger is going straight through you," she hissed, her eyes flashing. The girl nodded quickly, and Celaena turned back to the door just in time to see Sam striding down the stairs. He nodded, and Celaena grabbed the girl and dragged her back to Arobynn's office. When they entered, Arobynn was holding a fistful of gold, a greedy smile spread across his face.

"Thank you, Celaena," he drawled. "Let her go."

She dropped the quivering girl who couldn't even stand, and she fell to the ground, on her side.

"Stand up," Arobynn ordered.

"I can't," Alyssa whispered, unable to speak any louder.

Arobynn strode around his desk and grabbed her by the collar, lifting her up and holding her there.

"When I say stand, I expect you to stand," he whispered, his sudden silence threatening. He let her go, and she forced herself to stay standing, despite the tears that threatened to overflow. "You gave me the correct location. A very wise move on your part, despite the mistake you made in not giving it to me in the first place. There is more there than I require here."

"Keep it," she said, hanging her head. "I have no need for it."

"But surely after trying so hard to keep it from me you'd at least want some?" Arobynn sounded a little confused, but he wouldn't complain if she gave it all to him.

"They'll kill me anyway," she murmured, without really hearing anything she, or anyone else, said. "Keep it. It won't do me any good now."

Arobynn nodded slightly, and sat down again. "Celaena, take her away. She'll need her wounds treated and some new clothes. Sam, if you could send for Caitlain; she'll need to take her home. "

"Of course, Arobynn," Sam and Celaena replied together. Sam left the room first, fastening his cloak around his shoulders as he went.

Celaena pulled one of Alyssa's arms over her shoulder and took some of her weight as she led her out of the room. After a difficult flight of stairs, completed by Celaena almost carrying the whimpering girl, she laid her down on a bed and summoned a healer while she returned to her chambers. She shed her bloodied clothing and washed the blood from her hands. She changed into a clean black tunic and pants and took a set for Alyssa, heading back downstairs just in time to hear her cursing spectacularly, mostly directed at Celaena.

"I'd watch your mouth if I were you," Celaena warned, striding into the room.

"Bitch," Alyssa spat, hissing as the healer poured a couple of drops of some kind of oil onto her leg.

"Careful now," Celaena said, placing the clothes on the next bed and sitting next to them. "I'd been given orders and you weren't making things easy for me."

"I was trying to save my own life. Now I don't stand a chance. They're going to kill me." She buried her head in her hands and howled as the healer poured some more of the oil onto her other leg.

"I don't know who's after you, or why, and I don't particularly care. Caitlain's on her way to take you home." She stood from the bed and looked at the girl coolly. "Never come here, or near me, again unless you're sent for, Alyssa. You'll only get hurt."

"Celaena," Alyssa panted, painfully propping herself up on her elbows. "I ran from here, after you trained me, and said nothing to you." She paused for a moment, as if thinking about her next words, very carefully, considering Celaena's steely gaze. "Thank you. Thank you for having even a little faith in me."

Celaena surveyed her, the bloodied, open wounds that she had inflicted on the girl that cowered as she stepped forwards, towering over her trembling body. Alyssa flinched as she reached down, but opened her eyes as she only laid her hand gently on her shoulder, and squeezed it a little.

"You were right," she said, looking Alyssa right in the eye. "I never wanted to hurt you."

At that, the doors burst open and Caitlain's slender figure was silhouetted in the burst of light that assaulted Alyssa's eyes. As her eyes adjusted, she saw the glare plastered on her sister's attractive face, which was now contorted in rage. Rage that was surely directed at Celaena.

"Sam said she was hurt," she whispered, her voice dangerously soft and barely contained. "He didn't tell me you tortured her!" Her voice had risen almost to a yell, and it was echoing slightly off the stone walls.

"Caitlain, please," Celaena said, her voice strong. She didn't look at Caitlain, but Alyssa could see the controlled expression on her face, eyes shut, mouth set. "I did what I was ordered to do. Take her and leave."

"No," Caitlain growled, shoving Celaena against the wall and ripping a knife from under the folds of her relatively plain dress.

Celaena disabled her in a heartbeat, a flash of silver hair and black cloth as she spun, taking the knife from her hands and pinning her shoulders against the wall.

"Caitlain, take your sister, and leave here, now." She handed her the knife and let her go. Caitlain shoved the knife back in its sheath and looked over her sister, who had barely moved during the whole confrontation.

"You let her do this to you?" Caitlain spat at her sister. "I thought the whole reason you came here in the first place and got yourself into this mess was so this wouldn't happen."

"Caitlain, leave her be," Celaena growled. "If you won't look after her, then she'll stay here."

"Then I'll take her," Caitlain said, dangerously calm. She had a hot temper, and Celaena knew exactly how to play her. "Alyssa, we're leaving," she snapped.

"I can't walk, you imbecile," Alyssa spat, struggling into a sitting position. "How am I supposed to get home?"

"I don't know," Caitlain said, turning back to the door, "and I don't particularly care. Just get back there." She stalked out the door, slamming it behind her, her footsteps echoing down the hall, and her shrill, impatient voice screaming at any so unfortunate to get in her way.

"Do what you like," Celaena sighed. "I'll make sure nobody stops you."

"That's more than I deserve," Alyssa muttered.

Celaena nodded, keeping a somewhat wary distance from the bed. "I hope for your sake I never see you again." She sounded almost sad, but tried not to let it show. She wouldn't have minded getting to know the girl a little better, but the less she had to do with Alyssa, the safer the girl would be. She was still young, still so vulnerable despite her training, but if she was around Celaena then she couldn't be anywhere good. She'd only end up getting herself hurt.


End file.
